Siobhan's Sporking: Billy and Me, Chapter 2

I wrote this yesterday, and since the creative juices aren't flowing so much right now, I figured I'd share this with you. It's ten pages in word, so it may have to be in two parts. Enjoy my endless ranting!

Rosefont Hill is a tiny little village, one where everybody knows everything there is to know about everyone who lives here. Nothing newsworthy usually happens, therefore you can imagine what an impact a film crew rolling into town has on it.

Oy. Okay, first of all, Rosefont sounds a bit like Monotype Corsiva, or Freestyle Script, or maybe Segoe Script ... it does not sound like a village. And a village implies a certain size, I think she means more of a Hamlet maybe? I live in a Hamlet, we have four shops, but we're in between two more built-up areas. The teenagers travel out for school as well.

But the thing that bugs me most about this start is the implication that this hall being used by the film crew has never been rented to a film crew before, and as a result everyone's being really unprofessional. I mean, we've seen that, but bollocks to that, these buildings are often rented to film companies for a cheaper set-dressing, so she's making this more impressive than it should be. And who does that?

How convenient, Mary Sue: 8

In the first paragraph.

All the shops are being tarted up, and we're treated to some wonderfully stunted vocabulary in adjectives:

Each shop has had a spruce up, hoping that they'll gain some new trade. The local WI, of which Molly is the head, has examined every potted plant in the High Street and made sure they're watered, pruned and spruced to perfection.

Spruce it up, baby. And also, of course Molly is the head of the WI, she bakes cakes and backstabs. That's the pre-requisite, right? How many people are coming to make this film anyway?

I should also mention, this book is mainly present-tense as well as first person. That's really hard to pull off, even more so when you comment on what's just happened or go into flashbacks, or as we'll see later, the totally Ana Steele ability to see her own eyes. We'll see if this style of formatting works as we go on, right?

Anyway, the local school kids have been blessed with the chance to contribute to whoring out the town for this amazing film crew who have confidentiality clauses and the honour of the first unit using the local manor. The kids have made a welcome banner out of their 'tiny painted handprints'.

It seems like every member of the community has done something to get the village prepared for its newcomers, and their hard work has paid off as it looks nothing less than idyllic!

Excited?! Me?!: 13

How convenient, Mary Sue: 9

Of course Mary Sue lives in an idyllic country village, complete with sprawling Manor house and a best friend in the WI. I prefer thinking of the village of Pagford and The Fields. Krystal will come along any minute with her foul mouth and unkempt brother, right? I mean, before Robbie drowned (I actually loved The Casual Vacancy, even though all the characters are arseholes).

Sophie goes on to say that she's looking forward to the project now that she's seen trucks 'full of equipment' through the village (would you know it was full of equipment? Maybe it's catering, I can't tell through the sides of a truck) although how a truck can filter through typically narrow village roads is beyond me. Strangers have also appeared, which for me is a relief because I doubt Mary Lance is heading the project.

We then have a great paragraph I have to share with you. They spruced up the village, right?

It seems like quite a lot of the village folk have been tarting themselves up somewhat for the event (with the possibility of A-listers and VIPs coming into town they want to look their best). I'm not entirely sure what they're hoping will come of their freshly dyed hair or their new cardis from Marks and Sparks, but looking good certainly seems to be important to them.

*brain explodes* I think I have to do a list for this:

-So they'd tart the village up, but stay scaggy? Logic, where art thou? Also, why is it sprucing for inanimate objects, but tarting for the people? As you've only referred to them as folk (I'm leaving that one) are you calling the men tarts as well? Or are you sticking to misogyny? This books makes me question everything.
-A-listers and VIPs? What the hell is this? Are you referring to the actors who will be filming this? Who said they were A-listers? Is this for cinema or for TV, or even for a smaller project? Because none of that is specified, so how do we know that they're either? It's a new adaptation, sure, but there are so many this might go straight to bargain-bin DVD status.
-Not sure what they're hoping will come of their newly dyed hair and clothes (for any non-British reading, 'cardis' is a plural of 'cardi' which is an abbreviation of 'cardigan', which is a button-down sweater) - maybe Molly has Regina'd them to match the rest of the village in terms of presentation? Maybe on the village notice board there's a sign applying for extras in crowd scenes and they're trying to make the best impression on the director and producer. And maybe - call me crazy - but maybe looking good does mean something to them. I have friends who think - quite rightly - that self expression and a good impression start from how you present yourself. Like right now, I'm in black bootcut jeans, a blue shirt and a blue lace over-vest, to see me sitting here typing you'd think I was laid-back, and for the most part you'd be right. Clothes can be a useful determinate for mood (referencing my own book, at one point Lambrini points out the more Carter likes a band, the more likely it is that he will wear their shirt in a good mood. Right away, you can tell if he's wearing the Beatles, he's happy).
-Is Marks and Spencer really tarting yourself up? Why not shop in one of the clothes stores in the village and you know, keep local businesses going in this era of economic struggle? Do they not have nice things?

One paragraph produced that much thought process. None of it good. I will some up what the head of WI probably said to them all as the trucks started rolling in though:

and if they don't?

 

For some reason, since we're in chapter two ... I think Mean Girls is going to get referenced. A lot. Anyway, the above simple paragraph leads into a description of all the different ways people have tarted themselves up, and how Sophie hasn't bothered (but we finally get a physical description of Sophie! She has frizzy brown hair which she wears under a polka-dot bandana. She calls it a hankie but I honestly don't think they make handkerchiefs that big. Anyway, she says it's to keep in with Molly's retro-fifties look. Is that what she was doing? I thought she was dressing appropriately for her age and vocation, silly me.

How convenient, Mary Sue: 10

Of course Mar- sorry, Sophie, makes no effort to change. Mary Sue's only attract attention for being "normal" even when "normal" is actually "acting different from usual behaviour patterns as displayed by the regional mass due to a change in circumstances". So they get attention for ignoring the vogue and doing whatever the fuck they want, right? That's called rudeness, isn't it?

Anyway, Sophie talks about how she's baking and she has white powder all over her clothes. She does say flour, but I'm going to pretend she sniffs coke while waiting for the oven to ping because it's just funnier. Anyway, Sophie tries to get out of being a complete Sue by attributing her lack of effort to how she has to bake, not because she could care less about the film crew. She says that make up would melt off her face.

Bitch, please. I've worked in a kitchen for eight years, and while I don't give a shit about having slap on my face, other people can cake it on. I've worked with someone who customers used to watch warily in case her mascara clumps fell into their Big Mac. I've worked with managers who wear foundation in the height of summer and end up looking like a Dr Seuss character where it's only been wiped off when they've had a drink to cool down. Most people who work there wear makeup. I am not buying what you are selling today, not even with a slice of carrot cake.

We then get a scene where an old lady wants a pot of tea and a cake but can't afford it. This is the first moment I like Sophie.

I quickly glance around to check that Molly is occupied elsewhere, then lean across the counter and whisper to Mrs Sleep, 'You're forty pence short ... but seeing as you're my favourite customer I'll let you off!'

Even though Mrs Sleep's reaction is to giggle like a child, I like that she's willing to help the elderly. Although watch your back Sophie, you get a reputation for letting people off and no one's going to want to produce the right amount. Sophie covers the difference out of her own money, and then:

"You'll end up skint if you keep giving away money like that."

Tom McFly, is that you?: 5

She'll probably also lose her job Tom. Billy, sorry, sorry, it's Billy. Sophie jumps as she hears the person speaking, since her back was to the door and she didn't see him come in. She turns and sees a guy around her age smiling at her, and then she waxes lyrical about it being rare to get a man in the teashop because they prefer the cafe to a chintzy teashop. Go figure that one!

Want the description of Stu? You can tell he's a Stu just from the paragraph:

the arrival of this man (and a rather good-looking one at that), makes my heart momentarily stop and my cheeks instantly burn in surprise. He is jaw-droppingly attractive, with brown hair swooped into a stylish quiff, a healthy tan and deep brown eyes which twinkle as he smiles.

Of course he's jaw-droppingly, orgasmically gorgeous. Nice bit of comma abuse there too.

Now here's where I'm a little like 'eh?' Because Giovanna's husband?

 

Quiff? Check. Deep brown eyes? I did get a little lost, myself. But he's blond. He's not particularly tanned.

 

Quiff? Check. Brown hair? Check. Tanned? Oh my, yes. Brown eyes? No, blue. But still, this is Tom's bandmate, Harry. If Danny wasn't so freckled, I'd include a picture of him too. My point is, Billy sounds more like Tom's bandmate than Tom. Did she change his hair colour and pigmentation to throw me off? Because it didn't work. Write in his dimple when he smiles, I dare you. Include the hipster glasses when he's not in character. Because otherwise? You're writing about the drummer. What does his wife think about that? And before I go on, because some of you are mcfly fans:

Thank you, attitude magazine. Favourite shoot ever. Anyway, after the description of Harry, we get a typical Mary Sue reaction.

"Sorry, I didn't see you there ..." I somehow manage to say, softly clenching my jaw and forcing myself not to revert into the old, socially inept me. I've come a long way from that little girl who quivered at the attention of others, but I think a large part of that has been down to the safety of these four walls and Molly's time and care.

First, how do you softly clench your jaw? A jaw-clench is typically hard, no? Also, I thought her old self was this rambunctious child who could not be satisfied with what she had but progressed to more and more due to tantrums and later, singing and dancing to the point of irritation? The social ineptitude developed later, so it's your current self. And if your time with Molly has really made you more of a social butterfly (which shows when you stood up over that woman in the banana-yellow suit) then it should be made more obvious. You should have included that in the prologue also, about how life in the service industry has brought you out of your shell.

Like, going back to my restaurant, I used to be practically silent. Not because I was shy, I just get really internal, I like to reason and over-reason and un-reason until I come to conclusions others seem to get to pretty fast (though without considering the implications, it sometimes feels like) and when I first joined the restaurant, I was happy in my own world. One of my first shifts, I got told I had to yell to the kitchen. I was shit-scared, unable to imagine raising my voice beyond what is essentially a mumble. My loud is the typical Essex quiet. You have to shout though, so the kitchen know what's moving, how quick it's moving, if someone can't have ketchup in their burger for an allergy, if someone's been waiting an unfeasible amount of time for food ... shouting comes with the job. I've seen that same worried look on so many new faces, the 'really? Shout?' face and you have to explain that it's not to shame them, it's not to initiate them into the world, it's seriously the best device to keep service going. Nowadays, I can be a gobby little shit when I need to be, but only at work. I feel like I put a suit on when I step in that restaurant, and quiet, analytical, dreamer me has to take a backseat. Likewise, even though this is a teashop she would have built a rapport with the customers and would occasionally have to call for Molly. Like:

 
"Molly! Molly!" I called from the till. Molly was in the kitchen at the back, baking away.

"Yes, Sophie dear?" She called back pleasantly enough, but it sounded faint under the noise of the cappuccino machine brewing.
"We're almost out of cupcakes, can you make some more?"
"Right after this shortbread I'm baking, Sophie darling."

 And then Molly punches the shortbread because god, Sophie's annoying ('who is?' ' ... who is this?' 'Gretchen.' 'Right ... just a sec. God, she's so annoying!')

My point is, it's realistic that eight years in the service industry would have brought her out of her shell, but the last we knew, Sophie was still firmly in there. Consistency, thou art a bitch. Speaking of which, the end of her rant about how his gorgeousness has made her Mary Sue all over the floor includes how her blush increases. Was she blushing? Oy, these details, amIright? Anyway, watch out because it's chapter two and Thomas Fletcher is already set to flirt.

"That's okay, you were busy ... with your favourite,' he says with a slight smile. 'Don't worry, I've already checked my pockets and I definitely have enough cash on me."

Don't worry, you pretty, blushing Mary Sue, for I am Gary Stu and have mountains of cash enough for tea and crumpets and time with doddering old ladies drinking their tea with their lace gloves and doilies!

Sophie ineptly flirts back by telling him she only has one favourite a day. Today is not your day, tomorrow isn't looking so hot either (okay, she only said the first line). For some reason, without my fabulous addition of an obnoxious catchphrase, Billy finds this hysterical, tipping his head back and laughing like crazy. At least Sophie's got some brains on her enough to agree that this reaction is strange because she wasn't being funny. I know honey, but this is Billy's way of flirting, clearly. He will laugh so you laugh so he can get in under your radar. And he started this just on the view of your ass, Sue.

I haven't done counts in a while, have I? Since these pages just make me go 'lolwut?' and I've been avoiding them. It's the ellipses one mainly, they're freaking everywhere! So what counts to catch up on?

Big Bad Secret: 4

How convenient, Mary Sue: 11

Ellipses! Ellipses! ... More Ellipses!: 21

I'm not apologising for including multiple counts. You should see all the ellipses. I feel like breaking out the Mamma Mia! DVD (And? ... Dot. Dot. Dot.)

Anyway, I think Billy realises he's not the cool, suave, debonair actor he thinks he's portraying, and his own laughter makes him a bit uneasy. He hides behind the menu, and Sophie stands there for about thirty seconds before asking what she could get him. This must be a tiny menu. He orders coffee and lemon drizzle cake (why? Lemon drizzle has shit icing!) and then she notices he has a hand in his back pocket. Bitch was totally scoping his butt. They're both butt-people. Apparently she gets pretty familiar with his ass because he 'ponders over which table to sit at' before going into the darkest recesses of the shop. Big clue, miss I-can't-foreshadow, he's avoiding the fans. I should point out he hasn't introduced himself yet, and like Sophie he won't do so until his second chapter (and even then, it's not his choice), but this is Billy Buskin. In case you thought there might be any real drama.

Sophie makes his coffee and Molly materialises from the room of waiting-to-be-a-plot-device, adding to my other counts very nicely. Thanks Molly, you selfish, back-stabbing, slut-face ho-bag.

"Tell me everything!"
"What do you mean?" I ask, still flustered at the new arrival.
"Who is he?"
"I've got no idea!"
"Where did he come from?"
"Seriously Mol, I've got no idea. I've never seen him before.'
"Really? He looks a little familiar to me. He's not Mr and Mrs Williams' grandson, is he?"
"Maybe, but I don't think so. Wasn't he in the army? And ginger? I do think I've seen him somewhere before, though ..."
"He must be doing something with the filming. Just look at him,' she says, glancing quickly over her shoulder. 'Oh, if I was ten years younger!"
"Just ten? Make that forty!" I joke.
"You cheeky little ... I could show him a thing or-"
"Excuse me?"

Excited?! Me?!: 18

Molly just knows, OKAY: 2

How convenient, Mary Sue: 12

Ellipses! Ellipses! ... More Ellipses!: 23

The excuse me came from Billy. He was so after hearing them bang on about how he got lucky with the old gene pool, and how awesome he is as an actor. Molly jumps straight into 'I'm a doormat, how can I best serve you' so is she Aaron Samuelling Sophie right now? And jumping back a little, Sophie's giving Molly crap about her age? OOC. Also, maybe Billy likes cougars, you ever think on that?

Billy wants a ham-and-pickle sandwich. Oh, these actors with their unreasonable demands and sandwiches that make me hungry (I could definitely go for a ham and pickle. Or a salt beef and pickle). He goes back to his seat and they giggle like they're still twelve.

There's a section break where we find out Molly has gone shopping and one of the other doddery old dears has summoned Sophie to talk about Stu. This is will be the topic of about 90% of conversations from now on, if this follows the usual patterns. The old lady is worried about Billy, because he's not behaving normally. As in, he's talking and gesturing to himself.

Confession, I do this. It helps me plan out dialogue and physical stances for my characters. But I do this in the bathroom. I don't do this with a script in front of me in a teashop described by the shop assistant as 'twee'.

Anyway, the old bat can't possibly go up to the guy muttering to himself in case it turns out he's a whackjob, so Sophie of course has to be the one to approach him. He's wearing purple converse (and the first positive thing I can think of about Billy, because converse are what make my feet happy) and having a merry old conversation with the air. For all the talk of how Sophie loves the classics and reads them multiple times, I'm surprised she didn't recognise the dialogue. She and the old bird have exclaimed a few times so far so

Excited?! Me?!: 20

Ellipses! Ellipses! ... More Ellipses!: 24

The old bird makes a tea request before sending her off to the possible-nutter so yeah, good luck ever getting that tea, you dottering old biddy.

Sophie approaches Billy who is not only animated as he converses with the air, but has his eyes shut, and arms and legs crossed ... and he's tapping his head as he concentrates. So he has how many arms to be able to gesture, fold, and tap? Crossed arms waving about? That would work with the lunatic label, I guess. Still, fail.

Sophie apologises before getting his attention. Not 'excuse me?' just 'sorry'. Maybe she's apologising for his obvious demons. He stops talking and looks up anyway, such is the power a Sue has on a Stu. Sophie's nervous, such is the power of a Stu on a Sue. She blabs about how Miss Brown, the old lady, was scared he was a crazy bastard, but tries to make a joke of it. As someone who is brain damaged - that's not a laughing matter. And she's *impatient noise as words won't do*

Although, is there ever a jokey way to bring into question someone's mental health?

Considering what I know is about to happen, burn in hell, Sophie. You're not exactly the picture of mental health here. He has a wad of paper in front of him, you have already noted that. Maybe he writes the screen play. Maybe he finds it easier to read things like contracts by saying them out loud. Maybe he has a list of things he needs to get on with and he's reasoning how to go about it out loud. Maybe he's on a hands-free phone call and you're being fucking rude. Maybe he's rehearsing lines to play Mr Darcy in the upcoming film because he's Billy Buskin (It's that one).

He stops trying to capture Mr Darcy long enough to look intrigued and call Miss Brown out on her fucking judgements. I'm liking Billy a lot actually, he seems pretty well-balanced compared to this crazy-ass town. And I can see why he'd have to leave Mr Darcy in a compartment in his brain, since he seems happy-go-lucky (because he's Tom Fletcher) and Mr Darcy is an arrogant twat until Elizabeth Bennett bitchslaps him with reality.

"Really? Why? Have I done something to offend her? Did I eat with my mouth open? Slurp noisily on my coffee?" he asks, clearly amused.
I hear the elderly lady loudly tutting behind me.
"Actually, she's worried about the fact that you've been talking to yourself for the past hour," I force myself to continue. "According to her, it's the first sign of madness ..."
Suddenly he breaks out into another huge laugh, making me look up from the floor and take in his joyful face - causing a smile to spread across mine uncontrollably. Once he has composed himself, he leans forward, lightly holds my forearms, pulls me towards him slightly and looks into my eyes as he continues in a calm and quiet voice.
"Please tell dear Miss Brown that I'm sorry for upsetting her. There's no need to call the men in white coats yet. I'm just lear-"

Before I carry on:

Ellipses! Ellipses! More Ellipses!: 25

Tom McFly, is that you?: 6

Excited?! Me?!: 21 (for Billy's random laughter)

I love Billy's bit here. Like 'oh, was I lacking in manners? No, no it's not me lacking in manners ... I'm going to go with the old bird in the knitted hat sticking her beak in my business. That's who the fuck has no manners'. And Miss Brown knows that's what he was doing, because she made that noise. And Sophie is completely unaware of the subtext and plows on like a good Mary Sue, and he finds it hysterical that she has no awareness of anything, pretty much. So then he explains patiently what's going on, and it cuts off right where it does in the quote. Why?

Big, bad secret: 5

Sophie stops listening to the obvious explanation because he's touching her (and did he really need to grab her? Put your libido away Tom, I know it all started when Giovanna walked into assembly but really?) and that causes her to have a panic attack. Bitch has panic attacks and judges other people on their mental prowess. Panic attacks should surely make her more understanding that a glitch in the brain is harder to heal than a glitch anywhere else, right?

But Billy ups his cool even more by instantly noticing the dumbass has frozen and gone into fight-or-flight, asking instantly if she's okay and by the looks of things, genuinely meaning it. She can't speak, she's shaking, so he makes her sit down. Bit of manhandling to get her there which is stupid really, because touching her is what made her shut down. But Billy maybe doesn't know that, he's just aware enough that being unsteady when you're standing is not a good thing.

He starts making her tea, rummaging around behind the counter for a cup and saucer and junk, and she says the noises are amplified in my head (my mental issues cause this sometimes, that is far more annoying then she's explained so far) and then he hands her the tea, sitting next to her as she drinks and holding her hand, rubbing his thumb along her palm.

That makes me squicky for two reasons. I can't stand when people touch my palm, or I've had boyfriends before who stick their nails under mine (the fuck is that? I want to shed my entire skin and flesh when shit like that happens, I feel it all crawling. Like someone else's clothes rubbing on my bare arm, or someone touching my ear like my son does sometimes. I feel like the feeling won't go until I scratch my ear off, for real). I also hate this for the obvious reason of they've been in the same teashop for all of an hour and have had two limited conversations in that time, one of which she called him mental. The fuck is he holding her hand for? I get he's trying to soothe her, but that shit is what messed her up in the first place, and you move fast now, dontcha Tom? Although as the story goes, he did basically ask her out her first day at school. Then dumped her two days later for someone else (hey Billy, you gonna do that?)

Somehow, Sophie likes the handholding. She concentrates on the palm stroking and that focus brings the panic in a little. She's looking at their hands, and somehow knows he's looking at their hands and not her too. Periphery vision? Maybe. Poor writing? You tell me. She recovers from her Bellaitis and acts all embarrassed. Billy's like 'hey, shit happens' but obviously neither of these characters swear as much as me:

"Better?" he asks, his hand stopping the rubbing motion but continuing to clasp mine
I nod slowly. Instantly feeling stupid, I keep my eyes on the cup I'm holding, too humiliated to look elsewhere.
"How embarrassing!" I say, closing my eyes.
"No it's not. Don't be daft."
I look up at him with another sigh. For the last five minutes or so I'd turned into a trembling idiot. It's more than embarrassing. It's humiliating.
"Hey ... it's OK," he says, giving my hand a squeeze along with a sympathetic smile.
I glance over at Miss Brown and find that, thankfully, she seems to be preoccupied with a crossword puzzle. She's probably even forgotten sending me over in the first place - little does she know the drama she's sparked.
"At a guess, I'd say you were having a panic attack," he continues cautiously.
I close my eyes and let out a groan.
"Oi! I said don't be daft," he says, squeezing my hand again.

Miss Brown probably also forgot she ordered another pot of tea.

How convenient, Mary Sue: 13 (nice plot device to make your Stu wuv you!)

Ellipses! Ellipses! ... More Ellipses!: 27

Billy already seems pretty emotionally invested in Sophie, which is weird to me. He doesn't even know her name yet, she doesn't know his. They talk a little more about how Sophie used to have panic attacks a lot but that was the first one in a while and Billy says he knows what it's like but neither of them goes into it (because Tom probably doesn't like the whole world reading in two books how his Bi-Polar makes him a little socially awkward at events and with fans. Their autobiography did that enough, right? I still think Tom's adorable though). Sophie says it's nice that despite not trading stories, having known each other for all of an hour and a bit, that he can understand her and hasn't judged her.

That's right Sophie, you out-and-out called him mental to his face, and then showed you had a panic attack in some brilliant move by karma, and he didn't once say 'and I'm fucking mental?' but instead accommodated the fact you actually do have a problem. He's understanding to a fault. Like a Stu to a Sue.

How convenient, Mary Sue: 14

We get our next flashback! I won't recap it too much, but it's about her first panic attack, when she was eleven, and her dad had just died and her mum was struggling with her own grief and didn't realise Sue felt neglected. The other kids stared at her because her dad had just died and she ended up having a panic attack. She describes it pretty accurately, actually.

Molly comes back from the plot-device store, and Sophie remembers that hey, this is a shop she works in, and not a first date with a stranger. She starts to get up, but she needn't worry her pretty little head, she has a man now to help and get work done. Molly looks shocked as Billy approaches her (she was totally reading the weekly rags and got caught up on who Billy is) and Billy talks fast and quietly to Molly, which Sophie declares is him 'grassing her up' because they look at her.

Totally. I think it's more "Hey, Mrs Shop owner, I see you have Heat Magazine in your bag and therefore know I'm Billy Buskin. The girl on the boat with me is my sister, but whatever, please don't tell Sue who I am. You get slave labour for the day. Oh, and she had a panic attack, so I gave her some tea. Maybe she should go home or summat?"

Well, Regina totally loves being in on the secret so she makes him help her and whisper with her. Sophie refuses to go home and instead once Billy buggers off, sits there eating cake and drinking tea and generally wasting labour and stock. Viable business practice, right there. And that's the end of the chapter, but not with a few more tally additions:

Molly just knows, OKAY?: 3

Tom McFly, is that you?: 7

How convenient, Mary Sue: 15

 

END OF CHAPTER TALLIES:

Big, bad secret: 5
Look at all the books I read, Austen, and Bronte ... and Austen ....: 5 (unchanged from chapter 1)
Excited?! Me?!: 21
How convenient, Mary Sue: 15
Molly just knows, OKAY?: 3
Ellipses! Ellipses! ... More Ellipses!: 27
Tom McFly, is that you?: 7