Insomnia

You know, I bitch on here a lot, but it's actually a relatively small amount compared to how much I actually bitch. But now I am going to bitch like crazy, because I'm just worn out. There've been a few mentions in my other posts about the state of my health, but it's not even the half of it. I guess by blabbing on here, I might make sense of some issues.

Like, remember back in July when I said I had laryngitis and bronchitis? I went to the doctor about 4 times over my chest. The infection's still there. I still have to wrap up just to take a chiller temperature. I still cough too hard until I gag if I try and laugh at something.

I had a sinus headache so bad a few months back that led to my doctor sending me into hospital for medication. That headache? Is back. I can't move without a stabbing pain in my head. I can smell my own mucus, even when my nose is clear.

I woke up last week with a mouth full of blood. Fresh blood. I freaked, checked my mouth in the mirror - I have a wisdom tooth coming through after all - but my actual mouth was fine. I spat in the sink, and more blood came up. Checked my mouth again, nothing. Spat again. Blood.

I got sent home from work a few weeks ago, feeling dizzy and disoriented. That feeling hasn't exactly gone away.

I had a week off last week, and still felt drained, and tired, and I'll. my sleep pattern's disturbed by my shift work as it is, but I couldn't catch up on my sleep in my week off. At the moment, I've had 7 hours sleep since Wednesday. Two of them I had yesterday. I was like a zombie last night. I think the guy taking over from me could tell that something was wrong because he got the trainee manager on last night to get some of my stuff done. I'm due back in in 7 hours. It actually feels like it would be dangerous of me to try to work. I got this strung out in April, and ended up going off the wall. I parked in a car park and fell asleep because I couldn't function.

I'm not right, and I'm scared. I can't help but worry if I'm relapsing whenever stuff like this happens. I feel like everything in me is breaking down, and my brain's rushing about trying to cope but it's not doing a single productive thing and right now I can feel it contracting. That isn't right.

I'm going to try and sleep in a minute. Just hope it's not like the seven hours of agony I had yesterday, attempting and failing to sleep.