Lambrini: Why is she making me read again? Why doesn't Thomas
get to suffer too?
Carter: I don't know. She's left a note, but that wasn't her
real message. She's Sharpie'd all over my room 'I WAS RIGHT' on the walls and
the floor and the furniture and my clothes and ... my mom is going to go crazy.
Lambrini: That was what her note said?
Carter: No, she told me she's watching Supernatural, since
everyone all of a sudden is banging on about it constantly and she wants to
know what it's about. The girl doesn't even like horror, why the hell's she
watching that?
Lambrini: To avoid reading this. Lucky bitch. Can we do what
we did last time? You read it and I comment?
Carter: Can I read it like when I have to recite poetry in
class?
Lambrini: As long as it's you and not me, I don't care.
Carter: Fine. The first line probably gave zee a heart
attack as it was.
The flashing of my
phone caused me to stir.
Who wakes up because their phone is flashing?
Lambrini: Did it look like this?
Carter: Futurama? Nice. Anyway, Sophie blabbers on about why
it would be flashing, and what settings she put it on, and this passes for
literature these days? Damn.
She starts name dropping too, and I don't care. I seriously,
seriously do not give a shit. She keeps blabbing about how neither of them are
working and they're sleeping a lot.
Lambrini: How many ways can you say you do nothing?
Carter: Right? So after blabbing over and over, she decides
not to pick up the call. That was worth it. She waits until the end of the
second page to bother waking up and picking up her phone.
I'm starting to get why she pawned this off on us.
Lambrini: You've quoted one line and we're at the second
page?
Carter: Shut up, it gets worse. I'm just skipping anything
not relevant. So it's that Molly chick, and she's saying sorry, she didn't
know, not actually making the point until she just hangs up.
Lambrini: Did she burn a cake or something? Because you can
just cut that off and cover it in icing. That's what my mum always does.
Carter: She always burns cakes?
Lambrini: *dirty look* want me to leave you with the chick
book and go do something interesting, like watch my hair grow? Anyway, why is
Molly really apologising?
Carter: It turns out that Sophie's replacement was a
journalist.
Lambrini: Oh. Big deal.
Carter: Apparently it is, because Molly never checked her
credentials.
Lambrini: Didn't Siobhan say that's how Sophie got the job?
Carter: Uh-huh.
Lambrini: Then she should shut up. Screw it, I'm painting my
nails. Think they'll look good like this?
Carter: I have no idea whether that, or the book, interests
me less.
Lambrini: Doing it anyway. Carry on.
Carter: So there's a bunch of voicemails, and she explains
as she goes along, so Sophie can 'piece it together' because apparently, when
you're told things outright, you still need to solve a mystery. Sophie now
looks like this to me:
She then tells us what she thinks happens, which is what
Molly told her what happened, which I think we could figure out the moment
Sophie said she was suspicious. There's no surprises in this thing.
She hangs up after all her messages and powerful deductions,
and 'discards' her phone. Dude, did she throw it, or just leave it on the side?
Lambrini: Can you help me do my right hand? I'm a little bit
shaky with it.
Carter: Are you even listening?
Lambrini: Uh-huh, she listened to her voicemail. She got bad
news. She got to be right. But I really don't want to blob my varnish
everywhere.
Carter: If I do that, you carry this book on.
Lambrini: Ugh, fine, I'll try and do it one-handed. *takes
the book and holds hand out to Carter* so blahblahblah, she goes to the shops
in her pyjamas, who doesn't, blahblahblah front page shit again. She cries
before she reads it, because there's pictures of her with Billy, and her with
her daddy. Then she starts to read, and it doesn't sound like any article I've
ever read.
Carter: Yeah, she does that. She can't just talk about this
stuff, she needs a newspaper to do it for her.
Lambrini: It's just stupid. It's like saying 'oh, I didn't
think of this before, but here's some history. Have some history. Is that
enough history?'
Carter: Are you summing this up worse than I was?
Lambrini: Pretty much. She called her smile dazzling. In the
words of Siobhan:
And then we hear about stuff she already said, but then said
about her dad dying when she was eleven and how she started being really
antisocial.
Carter: Is that why my bedroom is completely wrecked right
now? Because I swear like, every one of zee's shitty little recaps talks about
her dad dying, and how she knows when it's not been said yet.
Lambrini: Guess so. Apparently everyone tried to pull her
out of it, and her mother was depressed and everyone could see it. Sophie was
left to care for them both, at eleven.
Carter: So no help from the authorities?
Lambrini: You'd think they'd have a social worker at the
very least. For some reason, the article starts talking about Sophie not going
on a gap year, or to college. And then there's some crap Molly's obviously
said. And God *throws the book across the room.*
Carter: Why'd you do that? That's my thing.
Lambrini: The cherry on the shit sundae. Apparently, the
worst thing Sophie had to deal with wasn't losing her daddy, it was being
talked about.
Carter: Oh. That would piss you off.
Lambrini: Shit happens! And why is it such a problem to have
people know you're going through a tragedy? Some people actually wanna help! I
get that it's hard to talk about, sometimes bad things seem nearly impossible
to talk about, but it's not like anyone said you pushed him! And in a little
village like that, everyone knows everyone, and not many people know isolated
tragedy like it, so they're going to be worrying, and if you shut them out,
they'll worry to each other!
Carter: Lambrini was top of the rumour mill for a while, if
you didn't get it before.
Lambrini: And did I bitch and moan about it? Yeah, okay, it
was frustrating, but I was frustrated that no one was coming to me, I was mad
about how it started. But the difference was, I had people I could talk to, who
I would talk to, so who the fuck cared?
Carter: I like how other people are saying this shit. If
she's so withdrawn and won't talk about it, how the hell do they know to put it
in an article?
Lambrini: WHICH MAKES EVEN LESS SENSE!
Carter: Okay, okay, calm down, look at your nails or
something. I'm done with them. *Picks up the book and finds the place again*
Molly blabs about Sophie catching Billy's eye and their 'connection' which is
laughable. We have more of a connection than them.
Lambrini: *calming down* Bestest best friends to ever best friend, right?
Carter: That's right, nerd. We get a recap of his awards
speech, and this is the most ridiculously long article ever. I'm so bored.
Until the last line, because it's hilarious:
Well, it seems that
Billy has completed [her life] too, by filling the void left by the sad death
of her beloved father.
There are so many Daddy issues.
Lambrini: More than yours.
Carter: I never look at girls and compare them to my dad.
Which is probably a good thing, because I don't think women come in that sort
of size. So anyway, Billy walks in conveniently at the end of the article, and
Sophie's crying and snotting and sounding real attractive. He asks what's wrong
and she gives him the article. She hides her face as he reads, naturally. Then
Billy starts badgering her about how they even found this stuff out, then remembers
that hey, the article said her dad died and maybe she has issues from it, and
then asks why she never told him.
Lambrini: These people are horrible.
Carter: Yeah. Billy starts blabbing that he knew something
was wrong but he didn't want to ask, I guess because we still have two fifths
of the book to go and you can't reveal the big storyline too early, can you?
Lambrini: But you can hint too heavily. I'm not surprised.
Carter: Billy asks for Sophie's version of what happened,
and rather than having the conversation continue we get a flashback.
Lambrini: Which Siobhan called on the prologue.
Carter: As we go through, there's going to be more and more
reasons why she couldn't put it in the note and just had to make my stuff look
like crap, right?
Lambrini: Probably. She's as nuts as you are.
Carter: So the flashback is yet another recap of things we
knew, and she throws in some stuff from the prologue to make it look like she
has continuity. Apparently, Sophie blamed herself for her dad being hit in a car
accident because her mom was pregnant and she didn't want to stop being an only
child. Her dad conned her round with talk of hot chocolate, but he had to go to
the store for marshmallows, and he got hit on the way back.
Lambrini: I didn't see the baby announcement coming.
Carter: She's a fucking spoiled brat.
Lambrini: Not arguing. Just, that was an actual twist.
Carter: Yeah. So anyway, a couple weeks later, her mom
miscarried the kid, which would completely blow *Lambrini leaves the room,
slamming the door* and I saw that coming. She probably won't be back. So Sophie
blames herself for her dad and hated being pitied, and if this had come earlier
as an explanation in some way I'd sympathise, but it just feels jammed in. She
blabs on about everything she's written so far and how it relates but nothing
flows. I hate this flashback. It's going on and on and on. I need something to
amuse myself now Lamb's gone.
Without the smiling, that's how I'd look as an anime. Or
manga. Whichever one it is.
So apparently, that flashback was her talking, go figure,
and she suddenly realises that she's been crying the whole time. Like Bella
Swan:
She starts apologising, for what I don't know, but I really
wish she'd grow a backbone. It's tedious listening to her. Billy starts saying
all the typical shit, like it's not your fault, don't blame yourself, giving me
a blowy would probably cheer you up, and she starts whining that she can barely
remember him. I want her to get over herself so bad. Like, does she hear
herself? It's any excuse to be a whiny, neurotic mess and I intentionally cut
these sorts of people out of my life, because I really don't need the extra
added drama. It's dull. I could get it if there was a genuine issue with the
person, like they had issues, but she's claiming she's fine and it's
circumstance. So it's really fucking annoying for me. She could celebrate her
dad every year and remember what a wonderful guy he was, but no, we whine about
how we lost him and it's our fault and I feel like I'm going to make an attempt
or something soon. It's that bad.
She then blames Molly, for some reason, after I skipped a
load of whiny shit. Because she blabbed Sophie's secret. Fuck off Sophie, the
woman has cancer. Own your mess. She then starts blaming Carla, who we never
even see, because she dared ask Sophie to meet up. It's not even that bad, it's
not the guy she screwed and didn't love making a buck out of her because of her
association to Billy. That I'd get. But no, Carla felt vindictive because Sophie
ignored her text, even though the words are kinda nice, if you can stick
reading them.
I hate how Sophie thinks the worst of everyone. Why did Lamb
and me agree to do this for her again? She calls her mom at work, but she's
taken off. She doesn't answer her home phone either. I'm starting to get where
Sophie's such a bitch from. They decide to go visit Sophie's mom and I wanna
know how long this stupid chapter is. I wanna up and leave like Lamb. There's
way more triggering shit here for me than there is for her.
We flash straight to getting back to Sophie's mom's house,
Sophie letting them both in. Her mom's home, looking in boxes at photo's. Did
we really need the panic? She calls herself a spoilt brat when her mom says her
pictures are from before she was around and she hadn't seen them before because
to Sophie, there was only ever three of them. True that. Unfortunately, her mom
shoots that down. Then they emo together and I really, really want to smack my
head against the wall. And just to make me feel even better, they turn it into
how much Billy rocks, because surely Sophie's daddy would have loved Billy too!
I am skimming so many pages right now. I know zee likes to
shove in bits of the book every so often but there's just nothing really
quotable. It's nearly all been done. Oh, but then someone knocks on the door
and it's obviously the guy that Sophie's mom's been seeing. He's called Colin,
so I'm totally picturing a loser. He seems lame too, giving an impossipuzzle to
Sophie's mom because who gives flowers these days? Sophie then packs some of
her own photos to take back to London, and she chats with her mom about Colin
the Loser, calling him nice but I can't believe this fake bitch.
Oh God, I have lost count of how many pages this chapter is.
A lot, that's how many. It's like, a tenth of the book. Crazy shit. Thanks a
lot zee, go blow this book out your ass when you get back.
So on the way back to London after such an adventurous road
trip, Sophie and Billy chat about Colin and her mom, blahblahblah. Paul called,
zee will be sorry she missed it. He asked how Sophie is and Sophie actually
acknowledges it was nice, but then gets all suspicious about why he would be so
nice. Maybe because you're somehow
important to Billy? I don't know. And I just don't care.
That's finally the end of the chapter. Thank
fuck. And I would cuss that bitch zee out, but I don't want her to force this
on me again. So instead, zee, here's all the actors you perve over. If this
doesn't bring you back, I don't know what will. And yes, I included the
Supernatural guys, since you're suddenly all about that.
... is that enough yet?
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