I can't write. I suck at writing. I don't flow, I'm as disjointed as if I were writing key scenes and linking them together that way, when in reality I start at the beginning and make myself go through that way.
I'm still way too ambiguous, my dangling participles in Reunited actually gave me a fucking headache. Lydia and Sammie, how have you read this so far? How did you not tell me I wrote 'I ran my hair through my hair' - I mean, what the fuck is that sentence, anyway?
I've made stupid typos, I've repeated myself too much with the same conversations or thoughts. I fucking hate that when I read a book, the hell did I write like it?
I've missed things I maybe should have included. Should I? I don't even know any more.
I don't have a real storyline. I've been creating this story for almost ten years now, and books three and four were always the hardest ones for me to storyboard. I want them written already, up until the only real scene I have in my head for book four (it's the Prom scene, if you wanted to know).
I'm trying to be better than I am, that's what it is. I'm thinking it's a decent love story, and when it gets to where it's supposed to be all this will be worth it and people will be like 'of course that's where it was headed!' but it's not going to be like that because I'm too shit at my so-called talent to make that happen.
No wonder I'm not published yet, because I'm a shit writer. I suck at dialogue, and descriptions, and scene changes, and a decent flow of narration, I can't write like an American teenage boy and I clearly have no clue about Essex girls. I can just about give you some viral sense of emotion as I write, if I get lucky.
I'm not writing this post to get sympathy, or platitudes of 'oh, but you're so talented!' … this is the demon on my back, and what I need to edit ruthlessly and maybe kid the world that I can do a semi-decent job. Next time I'm thinking I'm boss at what I do, I'll do another post, maybe. Or just refer to my arrogant proclamations within my Billy And Me reviews.
Please don't be as hard on yourself, look how far you've came not how far you have to go, your story is 100x more interesting and better written than Giovanna's, and hers is published!!!! Good luck and keep going misses x
ReplyDeleteThank you Tallie, but believe it or not, I was in a pretty good mood when I wrote this post! I'm just very aware I make the same mistakes as other writers, and I drive myself crazy that way. But if I wasn't hard on myself a little, then I wouldn't try to improve, or edit, or do anything to make my writing the best it could be. I've read self-published books where it's hard to believe they look over their work at all, and I couldn't do that.
ReplyDeleteBut if I didn't think my story could have some impact on someone, somewhere in the world, I wouldn't be so determined to share it ;) and then I wouldn't meet people like you, so don't worry, I never once thought of giving up. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I did!