Billy and Me, Chapter 9

Carter: So, Siobhan checked out of this chapter as well. She got too mad at the content and how it's too different from her experiences or some shit. And Lamb's checked out on me too, because reading two chapters is too much for her tiny brain. I wasn't going to read a chick book on my own, so-

Becki: Hi!

Carter: So Becki's here. Lamb tell you what this book's about?

Becki: Yeah, but she seemed annoyed by it. I'm sure it's not that bad. You two make up so much drama.

Carter: Sure we do. Wanna start?

Becki: So chapter nine is the start of the second part, and I for one am glad of that, because it doesn't sound anything like what's been described to me so far. There's a stream of coffee orders, and now I really want a frappe.

Carter: She's working at some fake-out Starbucks, without paying the Starbucks label. This differs from the teashop she used to work in, because they basically never used flavor syrups on their clientele. I'm so bored already. It's also got Siobhan's first complaint, according to the few notes she gave us, where Sophie says making tea is pouring water on a tea bag and it's not rocket science. She's written in red sharpie and underlined and I can't read it.

Becki: Something about tea specialists. She's referring to a conversation about tea that came about on Jenny Trout's 50 shades of Grey blog here it's in the comments section. Tea can be a big thing.

Carter: Eh, Siobhan's a Brit, don't they live on that stuff?

Becki: Sophie talks a little about Billy asking her to move to London, and how he talked her into it. If some handsome actor asked me to move to London, I'd go too.

Carter: As long as he was rich, right?

Becki: Please, you know how big my trust fund is. It's if Daddy approves.

Carter: Yeah, your dad's going to wave you off to London. I love this section of the book:

I realize that to the outside world all this might seem quick; it is! But Billy's view on waiting is that if we were to hold off for a few months then we'd only be doing so for those people who might judge us along the way, so why bother? One thing I've learnt is that Billy Buskin is a hard person to say no to.

Becki: Oh ... well ... it's sweet-

Carter: Becks, I love you and all, and how you're always so positive about other people, but really? Did you read that argument? Her being maybe apprehensive or cautious don't come into it. It's fast or it's for other people.

Becki: But she seems okay with it?

Carter: She can't say no to him! That's not right!

Becki: Carter, sorry, but when do people say no to you?

Carter: *groans* okay, there's a big difference between me being a moody shit when no one does the right thing and people realizing I was right all along, and some poser making demands and having people just jump to it.

Becki: Sure Carter, you keep telling yourself that.

Carter: Okay, say I asked you to move in with me, in a month. Would you?

Becki: We've been friends for like, ten years. So yes.

Carter: I'm not going to get it through, am I? So we'll move on. Apparently, Sophie's mom was fine with her moving away, which doesn't make sense with the end of chapter six and all of chapter seven. Oh, but Billy's gotten to her mom, so when they went to talk to her everything was just gravy.

Becki: It's good to get on with the parents of the person you're dating.

Carter: I'm not saying that. I'm saying her characterization of her mother stinks.

Becki: Right, because you write.

Carter: I might do.

Becki: *giggles* sure, I bet you write really emo poetry. And look, she says Molly was a mess, she cried non-stop for days. Awwwh, that's so cute.

Carter: I'm trying to remember why I picked you to read this chick book with?

Becki: You were avoiding homework and came to my house, remembering I was female?

Carter: Right. And I don't get this Molly person. Why's she crying?

Becki: Because she loves Sophie. You know, love? Emotion connected to the heart? That vital organ you always sound like you're missing but you're not really? The thing you bury deep, deep down?

Carter: Molly's been nothing but a bitchy gossip this entire novel. She's faking it.

Becki: Sophie talks about how she had a few weeks to get ready before moving to London and that she's going to be independent. You go girl!

Carter: And yet Billy hates her independence because he can afford for her to be a kept woman. She says the idea makes her want to be sick. Okay, this is what I don't get, she's being offered unlimited time and resources to pursue any career path she wants. She can go back to school, she could ask for a loan to set up her own business, she could read or write or paint, do some craftwork and sell it on ebay, do any amount of work-from-home jobs ... and she applies for pre-existing jobs and fails at each one until "Coffee Matters" takes her on. And then she bitches it out. Becki, you're never going to have to work, what are you going to do?

Becki: I'm going to get a degree in environmental sciences and fund some research into doing some good in the world. It might be agricultural, it might be natural fuel sources, but I want the world to be more balanced.

Carter: I would ace the guitar, and fund my own record, I think.

Becki: You'd be good at that.

Carter: Thanks. But both are answers are about things we care about, things we want to make our lives about. This girl just seems stuck on coffee. What was it Siobhan said a few chapters ago? She's settling. And she doesn't even have to settle anymore. That's fucked up. And her description of the job she doesn't even really need?

It's quick, it's frantic and there's hardly any satisfactory customer interaction, even though we have hundreds more visitors in an hour than we'd have in a week back home. Therefore, it's basically the same job, minus the baking, polite chatter and any of the perks. I just have to keep reminding myself that it's a temporary measure that keeps me financially and physically independent.

Why not invest in some cake decorating classes, and start selling your own bespoke creations? You can make a decent living that way:

 

 

Becki: That tree cake is so pretty! But you're right, that doesn't make sense, why isn't she baking for a career if that's what she wants? She could advertise in local stores and make friends that way, then develop a good relationship with her clients and get all the perks she wants.

Carter: And some more of Siobhan's scrawl, about McDonald's. For those who don't know, Siobhan who owns this blog works in a fairly busy McDonald's store. She says that in her group of four, her restaurant takes the most in terms of sales. £60,000 is an average week's takings. At a peak hour, the most customers they've served is 112. That's roughly two customers a minute, or just over. She says they aim to serve people within three minutes, for some perspective. And somehow in this coffee store they serve a few hundred an hour? She then says Liverpool Street, which is a London-based McDonald's, is the busiest in the country and even then their peak is just under double what her store takes.

So where in the hell is this coffee bar meant to be? Is it the only coffee bar in London?

Becki: Oh Carter, give the girl a break!

Carter: No! Especially as you know how long it takes to pour a coffee on those machines. She has absolutely no people skills either, no matter what she spouts about it.

"Sorry!" I say to the lady tapping her perfectly manicured fingernails on the counter top, letting me know that I'm taking longer than she finds acceptable to get her order to her. "What are you waiting for?" I ask, politely, not letting her lack of patience irritate me.

Becki: Is that from the book? Because it sounds like you.

Carter: Which is how I know there's no people skills!

 

That's how I roll.

Becki: She does explain it's her second day. I think you have to be a little mean not to take that into consideration.

Carter: Makes you question the training she's had. Further notes from Siobhan? They train in the kitchen first, so when they serve they know what they're selling and they don't pull stupid shit like taking lettuce out of a Quarter Pounder, which she said has happened before. She also says they're not allowed to even go on shift until they've been health and safety assessed. They go through an orientation period too, where they learn the very basics, and before they even get the job they work a shift with an experienced worker to learn the ropes. So why is this even happening in this book?

Becki: McDonald's is supposed to be one of the leading convenience food restaurants Carter, that's probably one of the reasons why.

best places to work award

 

Number seven!

Carter: We have a time shift of hours, though I don't know how many. Billy's outside in a trilby.

 

Nope, never going to recognise a famous actor in a hat like that. He's also in dark glasses.

*facepalms* this is like a Where's Waldo where Waldo, Odlaw and that dog are the only things in the fucking picture, right?

Becki: As useless as his disguise is, his first question is about how her shift went. That's sweet, he cares.

Carter: Yeah, I guess. It's a bit weird that the last chapter they were getting to know each other slowly and now bam! They know each other and talk the way they are. Sophie blabs about living in London and about Billy's play and how he was having problems with his characterization - you're telling me! - but now he's not anymore. And then someone jumps out of nowhere, takes some photos and disappears into the world of plot-devices.

Becki: And Sophie's in her uniform, cringe!

Carter: And more of Siobhan's notes are now relevant! She says like hell Sophie would even be allowed to leave the store like that. She says she's not even meant to wear her uniform in to work, as smoking, pet hairs, pollution and other junk can all cling to the uniform and then become a health hazard. Wearing her shirt and pants would be borderline, the apron and hat too? She should get a discipline for that.

Becki: But it's her second day.

Carter: Still, why wasn't that part of her orientation? Is this why Siobhan bitches about the word 'why' so often, that explaining why is the key to understanding? And all Sophie cares about is that she looks bad, not that someone has photographic evidence of her misdemeanour. No wonder Siobhan left this shit to us.

Becki: I think you're being mean to be mean.

Carter: I think you're sugar-coating it because you don't want to be mean. Billy dismisses the whole thing so I'm pretty sure he paid the guy to do it, and Sophie reminds him that she works at a chain coffee store. And then we get more emo about how he didn't want her to take the job and I repeat:

 

 

 

 

 

Seriously, Buddy Valastro. Cake Boss. Be the British female version of that. And ugh, just ...

"But baby, it's not what you want to do. At least let me take care of you until something better comes along," he pleads.
"I wouldn't dream of it!" I say, pulling away from him and tugging at his arm so that we can continue walking home. "The hilarious thing is, of course, that Andrezj specifically say that staff are not permitted to take aprons or caps home with them ... that'll teach me!"

Does she not have a trial period? Is that not a misdemeanour that could equate to her having no job? That'll teach her, indeed!

Becki: For all you're saying about how she doesn't want to be unemployed ... you're right, that attitude doesn't fit. She should be more worried. Oh, I hate when you get in my head like this!

Carter: You wanna take your mind off me being right and move onto the next section?

Becki: Okay. So Sophie's started using a cell phone in London to stay in touch with her family. She's had a few voicemail messages left in her sleep, and she listens to them before anything else. Molly is criticizing her color choice-

Carter: There's the Molly we know and hate!

 

Becki: Oh my God, I love that film! Her mom's message is about how she's in the papers again, and how there's a replacement girl in the teashop Sophie used to work in. This girl is called Sally.

Carter: Giant I don't give a shit. Sophie calls the shop, and Sally answers pretty politely. But then Sophie says who she is like you do on a phone and Sally drags out her name like 'oh, that girl we always bitch over'

 

Molly gets on the phone and chews Sophie out. It's glorious, and the Molly we know, and Siobhan's really going to be pissed we got the actual Molly and not that sympathetic pod person. She bitches with Sophie about Coffee Matters, which includes the fact in two days, Sophie has racked up the complaints.

Sophie won't be in Coffee Matters for long. And Andrezj will be getting it in the neck for putting her out there to get all those complaints. He was the manager, it falls to him. Why is she not cleaning cups in the back and bussing tables?

Becki: There's another section break, and Sophie's inundated with questions by her colleagues. How many people work in a coffee shop, even in London?

Carter: I think the most I've seen in Starbucks in the mall is about six on Saturday.

Becki: And they're busy, so when do they get the time to talk like this? Are they ignoring the customers? I hate when my servers gossip amongst themselves in front of me, it's so disrespectful considering my being there is the entire reason they get a paycheck.

Carter: Now you're thinking properly.

Becki: It's making me so sad.

Carter: I'm sorry. Wanna hug?

Becki: Please.

Carter: *hugs Becki* I guess for someone who doesn't want the world to know she's dating an actor, the natural step is to discuss it at full volume over the noises of a cappuccino machine in a busy coffee house. Logic's a bitch, isn't it?

Becki: Her boss starts asking questions, and I think he's being nice and realising that there's more to this newbie than meets the eye-

Carter: And he's probably getting the info he needs to make a good decision about her discipline.

Becki: Maybe. But she's been there two days and they can't know her very well. It's a natural development, surely?

Carter: Siobhan says recently? She was training a newbie in the kitchen at her store. Now, he has done a few shifts, working with his brother who's been in the store around a year so knows more than most newbies. She asked him which station he preferred and he answered before she finished asking the question. She says she wants to ask him about stuff like working with his brother, but that feels a little too much for the stage he's at. She says her store got a new boss a few months ago, and it was only recently they started discussing something that affects her whole life. There's a time delay in getting to know each other. She says her store's owner is very much staff-oriented, that a happy crew is a busy crew and their well-being matters. Apply all that to Andrezj. He's being a decent manager in this scene, at the very least. And she's bitching him out.

Becki: I think that's really sweet of Andrezj. The timing's sucky, but he seems like a good guy to me.

Carter: You'd think Hannibal Lector was nice in some way.

Becki: Everyone has good points, even you.

Carter: So Andrezj rightly asks why she's working in the coffee house when she clearly sucks at her job, and she says she wants her independence, and Andrezj joins me in rolling his eyes. Working for a large scale company that can franchise out? That's not independence. Owning your own bakery when you love to bake?

 

That's independence. But Andrezj then takes away any of his good points, by saying he'd use Billy for mani-pedi's and facials and driving around in a limo, eating from a hugely expensive department store every day just because he can. Which is crap, because wherever you buy it from, bacon always comes from a pig.

Becki: I agree, daddy could buy from anywhere he wanted, but we try and support the local farmers market as much as we can. She should be aiming for something more.

Carter: I do still agree with Andrezj on some things:

"I'd be making the most of it, not picking up people's dirty tissues and chewed-up leftovers. That's not independence. It's stupidity."

Sing it, sister! But Sophie says Billy is normal and so is she, but his job is more interesting.

 

 

 

 

She just told her boss that the job he hired her for isn't interesting after two days.

 

 

 

A job in the service industry, which is one of the most hectic and changeable jobs there are.

 

 

 

My disgust for this girl knows no bounds. Fire her, Andrezj! She's not a good representative of your company!

Becki: Andrezj says Sophie should ask for an allowance, so I think he's agreeing with you, he's trying to get her to walk before she's pushed. Sophie says she wouldn't do that, and Andrezj says he would when he meets someone rich. Then he sends her to mop the toilets.

Carter: Andrezj and I could be friends, maybe.

Becki: I don't like that whole sugar daddy thing though. I would hate to be used for my daddy's money, I wouldn't want people like that in my life.

Carter: So I can never borrow five dollars from you?

Becki: You're so funny, Carter. Siobhan, can you please do the next one? I'm really sad now.

Carter: Yeah, Siobhan, chapter ten you're back on it. Becks and me are going into Vegas now, to the in-hotel rollercoaster.

Becki: Oh, yay! Thanks Carter!