I read on a tiny bit, in WHSmith when I was seeing how much
of the physical book I've read. Disgusted by what happens at the end of chapter
twelve, but we're on chapter twelve now, so you get to see my disgust first
hand.
Chapter twelve is a lot more of the same as chapter eleven.
It's another chapter of 'why are you together again?' because it's just so
whiny. I'm starting to picture Sophie like this:
Except maybe less pretty? She sure doesn't sound like this
to me:
That's Giovanna. She's like, unreal she's so pretty, right?
So anyway, chapter twelve starts with some hideous, hideous
grammar based on conflicting tenses. Giovanna, I really wish you'd written in
recent-past tense.
Going out after the
show becomes a regular occurrence for Billy and his cast mates, and one that is
usually spontaneous. Being up on stage in front of a live audience gives him
such a buzz he needs time to wind down afterwards before coming home to sleep.
See what I mean? That would work in past tense, but
Giovanna's not doing past tense, so instead we get clunky-as-fuck prose. Awesome.
Sophie bangs on about how normally, Billy being out is for a
drink or two, or dinner with Paul if some big named director or producer or
director has been in (okay, it says casting director/producer/director but that
is some painful repetition) and those are the days he comes home at midnight.
But sometimes there are parties and he won't come in until the small hours of
the morning. He hasn't invited anyone back to his since she went all bunny
boiler, but Sophie still can't sleep unless Billy's home so what's the point?
Sophie mentions sometimes he calls but sometimes he forgets and then the bunny
boiler comes out again while she wonders what he's up to.
How do you get so co-dependent in such a short space of
time?
#justsaying.
I love the wangst that starts coming out next:
Who he might be out
with is the thing that worries me the most. Is he just out with Paul or the
boys from the cast? Or is he with the whole cast and being overly affectionate
with Ruth again? Or, and this is the thought that niggles at me the most, is he
being propositioned by random girls? In London it's impossible to forget that
Billy is such a heart-throb - he can rarely go anywhere unnoticed.
How famous is Billy meant to be again? And so what if random
girls think they can get more than a picture and an autograph? Billy should be
in control of his libido enough to say 'no thanks, I have a girlfriend' and leave
it there. If Sophie's so worried, then they really need some communication, or
you know, a chance to actually get to know each other so there isn't this
angst. And she really needs to voice this concern over Ruth, which I totally
called.
Sophie wangsts some more about how girls eyes light up, even
if she's with Billy (how dare they worship one of their favourite actors near
her! Don't they know that when you're no longer available that means you're
also no longer sexually attractive?) and how she knows there is 'a whole bunch
of women(and men) who would happily throw themselves at Billy' ... does how
Billy feels not factor in? By all accounts from other characters, Billy won't
shut up about Sophie.
The next paragraph is truly Bunny Boiler. I'm just going to
insert it and then move on. I don't need to spell it out, surely?
Sometimes, when I can
feel myself starting to panic, I call or text him. Just once or twice, not the
millions of times I'd like to try until he picks up. Although saying that, he
usually picks up or replies straight away, immediately eliminating any fear
that was mounting in me - making me feel silly for being dubious of the
situation.
Sophie moves on to say that she never goes out with Billy,
and she pretends to be asleep whenever he finally staggers home. They only
really try and talk in the morning when she's getting ready for work, and half
the time he's got his eyes closed or he's barely awake.
The conversation is
hardly riveting and extremely one-sided.
I'm going to go ahead and say that seems to be the crux of
this relationship. I'm sad guys, I just saw McFly perform at Music On The Hill
and they were amazing and embarrassed Tom horribly in front of his mother, and
I know they're better than this. I know Giovanna's better than this. This is
just horrible ... I wish Billy and me was a lot more like the real Giovanna and
Tom.
Sophie then changes her mind and says actually, first thing
in the morning isn't the only time they talk (so we're doing a total fanfic job
of poor narration to fit whims. No planning necessary, I guess), that actually,
they meet up for dinner after her shift, before his performance. Brilliant
*facepalms*
Sophie whinges about the evenings again, but this time
saying she doesn't even cook because she can't even fatten Billy up anymore.
Because hobbies are only good if they please your man, and must be removed if
he's not there to appreciate your domesticity. Oh, but wait:
Occasionally, I do
make a batch of cakes for him to take in to share with the rest of the cast and
crew - which I know Fiona (the raspberry Pavlova scoffer) enjoys. But that's
it.
Poor grammar and bitching out other women in the same
sentence! It's true what they say, sometimes other women make the worst
misogynists. How very dare Fiona enjoy something provided for the entire cast
and crew? Does she, as an actress, consider herself part of that? And therefore
part of Billy, even though she wasn't feeling up Billy that time ...
... I don't understand this logic. How about gratitude that
Fiona recognised it was your talent and flattery for receiving praise without
having to beg and coerce for it? Fiona sounds like a genuinely nice girl. Don't
take your insecurities out on her. What's that line from "Don't know
why"? "Don't right your wrongs with my mistakes."
Take a lesson from McFly, right there. So Fiona accidentally
thought the Pavlova was for everyone, it's not her fault you don't see Billy
much and you're riddled with insecurities.
After all this fricking angst, we finally get this:
I won't lie, I find it
all quite depressing and feel we'd have spent more quality time together if I
hadn't made the move to London after all. I see less of him now that I've
changed my life to be with him than I did when I was living a contented life in
Rosefont Hill.
I keep reminding
myself that a snippet of time spent with each other is better than none
whatsoever. But it sucks.
I can't wait for this
show to finish - then I might get my boyfriend back.
When this show finishes, I put money on him going back to
LA.
She changes her mind again, by the way, at the start of the
section break. They do see each other, on Sundays. They normally chill out.
Brilliant, do they talk at any point on this shared day off? Probably not. This
is a segue to say that Sophie's mum and Molly are coming over to nosy through
Billy's house.
We get some pointless info about how Sophie's mum used to
drive, but since Sophie and Billy booked a pink limousine I don't understand
the need for that? It was apparently Billy's idea, so I think maybe Sophie was
laying some subliminal down when he was half asleep one morning. We get some
'comedy' in the form of Molly calling up to shriek down the phone and ramble on
about sticking her head out of the sunroof. What larks.
Sophie's scrubbing away when they knock, and Billy opens the
door because famous actors totally open their own front doors whenever anyone
rings the bell or whatever. His security detail is shoddy.
Molly's had a haircut by the way. I would say this is
pointless, but I've read reviews and know that this is some foreshadowing. And
it's a piss-poor attempt, because it's laid down like Molly wanted a change and
not because she's preparing for chemo and she's showing off her new 'do.
There's absolutely no hint of sadness or fear. And ... my God, this is piss
poor writing. Remember how Molly and Sophie's mum just spent at least an hour
in a limousine together?
We all just stare at
her in shock. I'm guessing Mum didn't know that she'd given herself the chop
either, as she looks just as surprised as Billy and me.
Love a title drop. But seriously, Sophie was banging on
about how Molly and her mum were interacting in the car, giggling and chatting
and daring each other with the sunroof like they're fifteen, and it's only now
in the kitchen her mum's like 'wait, you cut your hair?'
Then Molly and Sophie's mum start wangsting over Sophie
being too thin, and Sophie blames the choice of food at Coffee Matters, because
there's nowhere else in London she could possibly eat, I guess. It's not like
she has the time to bake either, guys! Oh God, the anti-thin bit is over a
page, and the best bit?
"Guys, I'm fine.
I'm just busy at work and not eating as much blooming cake as I used to."
All three of them just
gawp at me.
"What?" I
demand, annoyed that the day together has not kicked off quite as I had
planned.
"It's nothing,
dear," says Mum.
We're suddenly reading about the initial stages of an anorexic
in denial. She's controlling the one constant in her life, acting irrational
and striking out at those who question her on her actions ... shit guys, I
think she's actually anorexic. I don't think Giovanna even knows what she's
writing here.
They go through Hyde Park after the section break, and
Sophie grills Molly about Sally, the girl who replaced her in the teashop.
Molly's vague about Sally, saying she just took her in, no CV or vetting.
Sophie is horrified, horrified I tell you! And Molly reminds her that the same
thing happened eight years ago with ... hmmm, let's see, this is a toughy ...
name's at the tip of my tongue ...
Oh yeah. You.
Then Molly calls Sally useless because she can't bake, but
she's got great customer service and is good with the old dears. That's not a
bad thing, you know. In McDonald's, even though you may know all the areas, you
will either consider yourself kitchen or service. I can cook a burger and work
the BOP, but stick me on till or drive thru and I hit the zone. I know people
who can fill our holding bin in ten minutes but then take that long to put a
Big Mac meal through on the till.
God, the interrogation goes on for like, three pages. I'm
skipping a lot of the anti-Sally shit which I think is there to set up for some
kind of article on Billy, and I've been good at calling this book so far.
Molly asks Sophie about London and Sophie goes all emo
again, but Molly says her life in London sounds like her life in Rosefont Hill.
Points to Molly, there. Sophie then wangsts about how it's different because
she doesn't have Molly there, and Molly gives her a look that clearly says she
wants to see the scars on Sophie's arms. Sophie then laughs it off.
So she's not telling anyone that she's struggling just to
feel even lonelier? I don't understand this girl, you have a support network,
this is the point of said support network. When they find you drowning in your
bathtub, they're going to feel horrible that they didn't go with their gut
because you passed it off.
Molly comes out with some tosh about not wasting her life
even though Sophie's already said she works, goes home, then waits for Billy.
Glad they listen to each other when they talk. Maybe Sophie has a point about
her support system.
They then have a picnic, and Molly and Billy fall asleep
which is the perfect lead in for Sophie to talk to her mother, because
transitions are hard otherwise. She perves over her mother a little, or that's
what it feels like.
Her cheeks glow a warm
pink, her eyes sparkle and she laughs freely, looking comfortable. She doesn't
seem to be caught up in the inner turmoil that she has had for over a decade
and a half. She doesn't seem so fragile. I grab the camera from my bag and take
a picture without her noticing.
Because you can only get over your husband's death when you
have a new man in your life.
No, I don't have the factoids that Sophie's dad died or that
her mother has a new guy, but I am saying Giovanna's writing is that obvious.
Oh, wait, it only took a page of 'you look good mum!' 'oh
Sophie, you tease!'
"What is it? Are
you OK? You're not ill, are you?" I say with panic.
"No, no, no, it's
nothing like that," she says, wiggling my nose like she used to when I was
younger, which causes me to grin. She pauses, takes a deep breath and smiles at
me as she says, "I've met someone."
I could so write this book for myself.
Sophie feels numb at this revelation and makes her mother
turn on the verbal diarrhoea, and Sophie continues to give blank non-answers
which shows that she's annoyed that her daddy's getting replaced. She gets the
closest at this point to saying her dad's dead and although I sympathise, it's
not a huge secret since I've worked it out and it's certainly not a validation
for her to act like a spoilt bitch when her mother has clearly found something
that makes her happier, and her life more bearable.
She does the thing she did at the Opening Night do, and says
the things she thinks people want to hear while swallowing back her
personality, telling her mother she deserves it (she does, but you should try
meaning it. I know you say you do, but that's like saying 'honestly, Mum!' and
what did I say about the word 'honestly' in a sentence?).
I'm getting annoyed by this bit. Everything her mum does or
says 'causes' her to do something. There are other phrases, this is sticking
out really badly. In this instance, her mother squeezed her hand, which caused
her to look up. Is it so hard to write 'Mum squeezes my hand and I look up at
her'? Or 'Mum squeezes my hand, which
makes me look up at her'?
She's really milking the whole 'my dad's dead but it's my
big secret to reveal at the end' bit:
"We'll never
forget him, you know, love. No one can take away those special memories and the
love that he gave us. He'll always be here, holding us two together."
I nod, but remain
silent, wondering if I'll ever miss him any less.
"Darling, what
have you told Billy about what happened?" she asks quietly, making sure
Billy and Molly don't overhear.
Really, really not obvious at all. And no, she hasn't said
anything to Billy, because she can't even articulate that she wishes he'd wind
down after a show with her alone.
We get another God Awful transition in a section break,
where Sophie can't stop dwelling on Sunday but it's now Monday. She's even more
emo because Sally is now great at her job and her mother's moved on and she
doesn't feel missed at all. If you wanna interpret it that way ...
It's as though I moved
to London in the hope of living this joyous life with Billy, only to spend my
days being belittled by vile customers and my nights walking around an empty
flat alone, whereas they're back in Rosefont Hill and seem happier than ever
without me.
And then we cut from the reminiscing and emoing to a
customer telling her she fucked up a drink. This happens; you apologise,
confirm the right order and then remake it, apologising again.
Not Sophie.
The customer tells her his order. She drags out the word
'yes' into two syllables, which makes her sound drugged and like she doesn't
give a fuck. He repeats part of his order, clearly underlining the problem. She
just gurns at him. She doesn't ask questions. Remember what I said last post
about McDonald's? Listen, Sympathise, Ask Questions, Fix It Now. She's barely
done the first stage. But also, her manager is just throwing empty cups at her
to fill, ignoring the problem. Bad management there, Andrezj. You should step
in, she's clearly inexperienced.
The customer, shockingly, gets annoyed (is she triumphant
that he's got a problem? Is she special needs?) and spells it out for her. His
impossible drink (an iced sugar-free, coffee-based, mint mocha frappuccino. If
it's a frappe, it doesn't need the iced reference, if it's Mocha, it's coffee
based. Why are we repeating ingredients? Fuck, I've never even worked at
Starbucks and I can spell this out!) is missing the coffee. Since he said
coffee-based mocha, that's a double fail there Sophie. He then goes into
agitated customer mode: "Honestly, is it so difficult to get a fucking
coffee order right?"
Feel good Sophie, you haven't heard 'this is the worst
fucking Coffee Matters I've ever been in, I'm telling everyone I know to go to
the one down the road. No retards work there.' so he's not as angry as he could
be (oh, more than once under my old boss, since you asked. Recently I got told
by this guy thrusting his finger in my face that everyone else was working and
I should start doing my job too, which is lolz because we were all working our
asses off and the demand was double projections. As soon as the finger came
out, I switched off and just agreed with the fucker until he left the store.
Sometimes, all they want is to hear you're a failure).
Sophie's reaction? Is to carry on staring at him.
I just stare at him,
hoping that he'll hear back in his head how he has just spoken to me and
apologize, but his glare gets meaner and his jaw rocks from side to side as his
anger continues to increase.
News flash Sophie, while you're in that uniform, you are not
a person. You don't have feelings. You function to make coffee. Especially to
businessmen. Doddery old dears stepping in to share a coffee for elevenses?
They know you have feelings and grew up with manners, but time is money bitch
and you can't afford him. Sad fact of customer service.
This scene continues to make me cringe, since it's my
background and Sophie and Andrezj are being shit at their jobs right now.
"I'm sorry sir,
let me take that back and I'll make you a fresh one," I say as I grab the
cup from his hand, feeling extremely uncomfortable and exposed, aware that
everyone is staring.
"That's not the
point is it, little lady. You should've made the right thing from the start.
You might not have a proper fucking job, sweetheart, but the rest of us do and
we deserve to get what we paid for."
"I'm sorry, but I
can't help thinking you're overreacting-" I say, trying to reason with him
before getting cut off.
"What?" he
booms.
"It's only a
coffee ..." I explain.
I am wincing. I just read this out to my sister who also did
a stint in McDonald's, Greggs, and a catering firm. The frown on her face said
it all.
1. You should have replaced the order by now. Supersize it,
throw in a biscotti, anything. If you're incapable of doing this, call to
Andrezj. He's your boss, he's a manager because he's been trained and has
experience in these situations. It should not have gone this far before a
replacement was made. A replacement should have been underway before he had to
spell out you left out the coffee. He told you the correct order, that was the
point it should have been replaced. Sugar-free mint mocha frap (lets delete the
unnecessary words).
2. Everyone's staring because this one man has stopped
service for ten others. They all want their coffees now, bitch.
3. Don't feel uncomfortable. I already told you, in the
Coffee Matters uniform, the Coffee matters. It's not Employees Matter now, is
it? Yes, you should matter to Andrezj, but that's it.
4. It isn't the point. He's a businessman, he probably makes
your paycheque in the time it takes to have this conversation. A pound doesn't
stop being worth a pound just because you have four hundred times more of them then
someone else. You should've made it correct from the start, but accidents
happen and you should have replaced it straight away. He gave you an almost
full cup back, it's only fair.
5. Coffee Matters, remember? So you know and I know that
it's a real job, but people who desk-jockey for a living, or work on a trading
floor, don't always have a service background and can't see how a minimum wage
job is still a job. But that's not up for discussion, do not take it
personally. That's a McDonald's crew mantra, as soon as we have one shitty
customer and they've been seen to, it's like a game of tag almost, going up to
whoever dealt with that customer and repeating 'it's not personal.' It's. Not.
Personal. He's having a caffeine crash, he just lost 2m on the trading floor,
his wife left him, this is the fifth Coffee Matters that has accidentally gotten
his order wrong. Anything can explain why this guy is acting like a dick, but
you're not earning minimum wage to spell out to people when they're being
polite or not.
6. Overreacting? So when you go to the supermarket and
someone gives you carrots and not flour, if you say something are you going to
be overreacting? Guess what? Most service industry outfits welcome this kind of
feedback. I'd rather a customer said 'you put pickles in my burger when I said
none' so I can give them the right food and they feel like I gave them special
attention then have them mutter at their friends, fling the pickle on the
window for me to clean up, and then blog and Facebook the shit service they had
at my restaurant. He's a brilliant customer, he's offering you an opportunity
for growth. I am so, so angry about this one line, you would not believe.
7. No wonder he yelled at you.
8. You're going to get Employee of the month 'it's only
coffee'. My boss can tell me 'it's only chips, burgers and fizzy pop'. My
customers can too. But the second I say shit about the food (and I'm wheat
intolerant) I get it in the neck. That's not your role. That's his choice to
call it 'just coffee', or for you and Andrezj to laugh about when the crowd has
cleared. YOU DO NOT SAY THIS TO CUSTOMERS.
He then makes an analogy of a doctor free-wheeling over
their health service and Sophie gets snotty, saying that's a bit different.
True, you wouldn't have the fuck sued out of you for forgetting the coffee. She
says she's apologised, and although it's true that she has they sound more like
she's getting on her high horse about being right. You know, when people are
like 'I'm sorry, but you're wrong,' yes the word sorry is there, but it's not
an apology. She then ... she's lucky if she keeps this job after this:
" ... so would
you like another coffee or not?" I say, as I pull the lid off of the
discarded cup, ready to dispose of it.
"I don't want you
to say sorry, I want you to acknowledge the fact that you're a useless human
being and a waste of fucking space!" he shouts.
The cold drink goes
flying through the air, landing on the guy's face and suit, before I even have
a chance to think about my actions.
She threw a drink over a customer she riled up. What was her
boss doing to let it accelerate this far? She says in a sec that the staff
decided to watch and not interject, but since that is at least Andrezj's job,
they should both be in the firing line.
I'd have to look it up, but I'm pretty sure throwing
products on the customers counts as physical abuse and is therefore Gross
Misconduct. Gross Misconduct is instantly sackable. She should now be suspended
with full pay pending an investigation into why her manager let that happen, and
then be let go. Andrezj might get a warning, but he'll get off lightly. He
wasn't holding the cup.
Isn't it fun having a McDonald's shift manager analyse this?
Apparently, the other customers start clapping and
commenting on how they would have done that ages ago. Bollocks. They might have
nervously laughed, waited until he left with the intention of calling Head
Office, and then whispered that to Sophie and Andrezj as they collect their
(carefully made to correct proportions to avoid that again) drinks. Eight years
experience talking.
While the man is still wiping the frozen crap off him,
Sophie looks at Andrezj and hands over her apron and hat, grabs her bags and
leaves.
So, she walks off shift before being dismissed. I take that
as her immediate notice, which she's refusing to work through. Good luck
finding another job any time soon.
*So disgusted*
*Need to cheer myself up*
Better.
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