And the comments on the link are baffling. Some people think all these images are asking for it, or the fact that women have breasts, or by speaking of the women who are the majority of rape victims you are being feminist and therefore not listening to well-reasoned men (who support the idea that any of the above images must be asking to be sexually abused, so very well reasoned indeed).
I just ... really? Everyone, everyone, is using the example of a girl going for a night out and getting drunk, then being down some dark alleyway. My posts are largely being ignored because I'm thinking out of the rape-in-the-dark box. The following, I believe, are also rape:
-A husband forcing his wife into sex, because of his misguided views on what marriage vows are actually saying (you are mine, you are my property, I want it so it's happening). This was outlawed in the Victorian Era. Since the 1800's, raping your spouse is a crime that can justify divorce. For around two hundred years. Why has the attitude to this not changed?
-A boy who is dealing with his sexuality, who admits as much to a close friend, who then announces it to their peers, who then is attacked by homophobic boys so he "has a taste" of what it is he thinks he likes. I don't think he likes abuse, just love with another man. You are not giving him love, you are abusing him.
-Anyone in the prison system labelled as "currency" or whatever other sick term it is. I hate the justification of "we're locked up for years, we need some". Now, I'm not someone who encourages prison inmates to rot on basics, I understand the need for humanity despite a criminal's clear lack of it. I will always try to show I'm better than someone else with love rather than hate (if you yell at me in my store, I will be pleasant and apologetic and make you look like an ass). I do feel like prisoners need some restrictions beyond the bars, and I think those who patrol our jails do the best they can. However, even prisoners don't deserve to live in fear of objectification and attack, and those committing these crimes should have years added onto their sentences, like "Oh, you were up for parole but then you raped the guy in C-96 so now you have to wait an additional two years".
-Teenagers, trying to get a feel for the change in circumstance from innocent kiss to full sex. That's a freaking minefield, and if the person you're with at any time shows they are not comfortable in anyway, you stop. If you care more about the act than the person, you're doing it with the wrong person. Leave the relationship.
-Anyone drunk.
-Anyone drugged.
-Anyone unconscious.
-Children and disabled people too lacking in knowledge to know either what's happening or what they're agreeing to. I remember in junior school, people went around and asked "are you a virgin?" then laughed whatever your answer was. We were 7-11, the answer is, and should always be a resounding no, even if they're not understanding what they're making fun of.
Just ... the amount of victim-blaming in our culture is astounding. I asked what age this 'she was asking for it by wearing that' starts for people, because I'm sure most people picture someone my age (mid twenties to early thirties) but what about that thirteen-year-old who gets called a slut because they knew she had sex but had no idea of the circumstances (oh what, am I talking about my book again? Yeah, that's right, my book is a hotbed) or about that twenty-year-old who lives in tracksuits who was accidentally killed in a sex attack? What about that fat girl, that anorexic, that ugly person, I mean, they should be grateful someone's bothering to look their way, right? What about cross-dressers and transgenders? Do they deserve it because they make people uncomfortable because they go against societal norms (that make them feel happy and whole)?
You know why I think no one has answered me? Because they know when you open up this sort of dialogue, there is no other answer. That's why they stick to the stereotype present in the smallest minority of cases. That way, there's a reason they can understand. She wore next to nothing, she wanted to have sex. That way, no one has to look into the attackers motivations, or why their sexual urges override someone elses wishes about their own body. That way, life as they know it can stay the same, and the next time their girlfriend or boyfriend has to be convinced to sleep with them, they can rest easy knowing that they didn't just commit a crime.
Someone on Jenny Trout's blog (Jenny, we should so hang out, just FYI) said that rather than preaching 'no means no' (because how often do people shout out "no, no, no, YES!") we should preach about 'the enthusiastic yes'. The yes that comes from a sound, sober, confident person who wants what is communicated and has no other conflict or encouragement. An unconscious person can't say no, but they can't say yes either. That then makes it definitely rape. Then the justice system has to honour the victim, and make them comfortable. Do you know how clinical and invasive the body search can be on a victim as police ask for evidence? Add in the ridicule and disbelief many victims (and unfortunately, just the few who come forward) get and they may as well be getting raped again. That HAS to change.
Oh, update, someone posted about slutty girls obviously are asking for it. Like women can be categorised into women and sluts and whores. Where do you draw the line on who is and isn't promiscuous, and therefore deserves to be violated?
And to finish, I will post these everywhere if it helps get the message across, the Home Office videos aimed at teenagers (25% of who, in the UK, are victims of sexual abuse) to recognise when their behaviour is tantamount to physical violence and rape (and for the record, the middle one, the one where he grabs her hair? I know in the storyline she gave in and slept with him. Coercion. Rape).
**edit** someone on this thread has said they can't believe my comments get likes. I can't believe he's allowed on the planet, but I have to make allowances. Leads me to believe he's realised my comments point the finger at him ("come on baby, don't stop now, you said you wanted to, don't be a pricktease") but eh, that's his problem, not mine.
**another edit** I've stopped reading on there. It's too sad seeing all these men congratulate themselves because they can't see how raping a woman in skimpy clothes is akin to raping a child because you've taken away their right to argue for what they want. I just told them when rape happens in their lives, to their spouses or their loved ones, I hope the attacker gets screwed in court. They are so typical of the root of the problem.
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