Saturday 1 February 2014

Drake Bell

I'm probably going to get some flack for this post. Eh.

I've loved Drake for a long time (all references to Drake, in my head, are Drake Bell, none of your rapper shit here, thanks), for as long as they've shown programmes on Nick UK with him in. My sister used to like the Amanda Show, and he was a nice bit of eye candy to help me watch it. I loved every moment of Drake and Josh. I have watched a stupid crazy amount of films for two seconds of Drake (like Jerry Maguire. I put up with Tom Cruise for Drake. Whatever I'm about to say, remember this fact because Tom Cruise pisses me off). I have found happiness in some of these shows - High Fidelity I can't recommend enough, John Cusack is incredible - and sometimes I've grinned and geared it (oh, Superhero Movie).

I even kind of picture him whenever I write Carter, although there are some differences in my head. In fact, the more of a fan you are, the more parallels you can probably draw between the two. Because the more of a fan you are? The bigger the dick you know him to be.

I kinda made my peace with the fact that Drake's a bit of a tool. A five minute conversation with his mother about his tantrum at five years old was pretty much enough to confirm it (his real name is Jared Drake Bell, he demanded to be known as Drake, not Jared, when he was five. I remember saying to Robin that I could never do that for Noah, because I chose Noah for a reason and after five years, wouldn't he be used to it? And Robin was like 'oh, but he was my youngest, and it was all he wanted for his birthday, how could I say no?' and she made it sound so reasonable, but therein lies the initial problem with Drake. If his mother couldn't stand there and tell him no at five, what chance does he have at 27?) and as you go deeper into his fandom … it probably doesn't sit right with some of the fans who are like 'squee! Drake!' that some of us are like 'he's a prick … but he's our prick.' It probably doesn't sit right with people who aren't fans. But it does seem to be the case that the more you get into it, the more you realise he's just … not right.

There's been a few things, over the years. He promises the American fans time after time, that he'll do a tour, he'll do a tour. And then he'll blow it off. Last time, it was so he could appear on Splash (I think he got to the semi finals, or the finals? Can't remember, but he did do really well) and it was bad enough that he'd blown off the fans without saying why, except it was a great opportunity, but then his new manager (who seems like such a yes man, or a party guy, or just one of the worst types of people you can surround yourself with sometimes) started telling the fans who were upset where to shove it. Nice to know that the person representing you wants to isolate your fans, huh? It got so bad that the girl who organises the street team - who I get along best with, out of his fans, though that's more because she has a wicked sense of humour - had to have a private Skype message with him on the agreement she wouldn't leak any of the projects he was doing. She kept to her word, and handled it so much better than Thomas ever did. Drake's so fucking lucky he has Stefanie.

Anyway, so even though he can be a little obnoxious with the fans, it's almost worthwhile because he does have talent with his music and when he can be bothered to go along with a director, he's a good actor (I know I sound harsh, but it really is a case of how much Drake feels like putting the effort in) and honestly? I kept overplaying his song 'In The End' after I got sick because that words perfectly how I feel about TTP, and how it affected me, and how I feel like I'm facing the world now. I'll youtube it for you.


(for those who want to know these things, I have a version of that dove on my ankle. The tattooist freestyled on it and made the soft curves pointy, the dick, but I can't have tattoos anymore to correct it. The dick. But I obviously give enough of a shit about Drake to immortalise it on my flesh)

Anyway, so apart from being obnoxious with the fans? Drake has this weird thing about Justin Bieber. Like, he regularly gets into it on twitter with Justin's fans. When he gets death threats, he retweets them. He even baited a couple of Justin's fans sending death threats by telling them where he'd be on a certain day, maybe they could come and carry out their threats? When one of Drake's fans said it wasn't a good idea, his reaction was 'ha, like any Bieber fans can drive!' This by the way, was before the latest crap with Justin (after Justin's friend got caught with the cocaine, Jared Padalecki asked if Bieber was going to own up to it and then there was a huge thing between Bieber's fans and Supernatural fans, so apparently whichever talented people I like just happen to want to bait the bitch) but since the whole he got arrested shebang? Yeah, Drake's been even worse. It's like, why can't you just be glad that other people know him to be a dick now, and get on with your life?

Because Drake's really trying to push his music career. It's the most enthusiastic I've seen him about any projects, ever. Probably about fucking time, because he's released two albums and an EP in about 8 years. And he seems to want to use his loathing of Bieber to get there. Which royally sucks, because he's talented, he is, but he's just *tears hair out* look, you played the song up there, right? Immense, yes? Shut up, it is. It has my feels.

The song he's trying to make it big with, based on his Bieber hatred? I bought it when it came on iTunes. I asked Stefanie if she'd heard it, and she said no, she'd had enough with all the crap he's been up to lately. I said I, luckily, hadn't heard what he's been up to, but I had been unfortunate enough to hear Bitchcraft. So she listened to it and we say the same thing. It sounds like a reject from his second album, or maybe an actual track from his second album, but with shitty lyrics thrown on top. It's one of the most piss-poor efforts I've ever heard. It doesn't touch on 'Makes Me Happy' or 'Rusted Silhouette' or any of his real brilliance. You wanna hear the biggest load Drake's ever put out there?


This song makes me sad. Let's do some better Drake, to remind me that there is quality there. To remind me to take that bad with the good:



God, what happened to you, you narcissistic, egotistical prick? You used to be a fun narcissistic, egotistical prick. I miss you, Drake.

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